“And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves”
Marriage is a sign among many signs by God …. Do we have to look attentively at this verse? What are the consequences if we don’t follow this divine rule? Let us read ….
It is a great verse and we have to think in its guidance and meanings. Hence the end for it was the following verse, God says: (Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect) so, what are the things that we should reflect on it? God be he exalted and blessed says 
And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect) (Sûrat Al Rum - verse 21). Therefore, each time we hear (And among His Signs) we have to realize that God wants to tell us about a miracle, that is "Miracle of marriage".
Frankly, I spent too much time concentrating at this verse trying to know: what is the secret in marriage? What is the mutual affect for couples? All the time we receive information in a scientific way without any kind of thinking what is behind it. We have to think and look attentively as our God says And it only added to their Faith and to their submissiveness (to Allah)) (Sûrat Al-Ahzâb - verse 22). How does the repose between husband and wife happen?
Psychologists confirm that it is important for the man to have a wife because her ability to reduce his anxiety and frustration .in a new study, they found that the frequent traveling man (for business or study) is less possible to be exposed to heart diseases when he is accompanied by his wife.
Also, they found that married man has more ability for concentration and creation. On the other hand, they found that married women are more granter than the unmarried. Scientists confirm that domestic violence is due to the violation of natural marriage as people depends on the illegal marriage when man and woman are living together without marriage contract.
Increasing scientific production and creation
In November 2006 scientists at University of Kansas confirmed in a new study that the married scientist is more able for creation and is more productive than unmarried scientist, but the study concluded that married women who are scientists are less productive because of their responsibilities about house and kids caring.
Hence, we can understand that married woman gives her attention to home and kids caring and that is a grace from God to enable the family to live in rest and stability.
The amazing effect of good words
Prophet Mohamed told us that: “the good word is a charity". That is between a person and another, but what a great charity if the good word is between a man and his wife. Researchers confirm that nice and good words have an amazing effect on married man and woman as it reduce many problems between both of them.
Couple of days ago, there was a report about a medical miracle that is a woman became ill and she entered in a coma which lasts for many months, her husband used to site beside her and speak to her as if she is conscious and tells her nice and good word that he loves her and he cares about her. Doctors made the fun on him and they told him that what he is doing is useless, but he insist on that as he believed that she will get her conscious very soon. Suddenly, she got her conscious at the time when all doctors had expected that the case may continue for many years.
Hence, we have to realize the reason behind what prophet Mohamed used to do and his continuous advice to us to take care of our wives and to tell them nice words. What a great prophet, we hope western scientist knows that.
Today, western countries are spending billions of dollars to face the phenomenon of domestic violence, sexual deviation and rape but the return is nothing.
What will happen if couples violate nature of God?
God put mutual feelings between wives and husbands to make the wife to feel by tranquility with her husband and to make the husband to feel by tranquility with his wife but there are some people who don’t value this grace , let us read the following statistics from the western countries where atheism is common:
· In united sates of America, every quarter of a minute there is a domestic violence incident and ¾ of victims are women.
· In 1992 there is a European study which concluded that 25% of the European women are subject to domestic violence incident even once a life. (Council of Europe 1992)
· In 1998 there was more than one and a half million domestic violence incident in America, 1830 of them ended by death. we can observe hundreds of psychiatric clinics , associations and many websites who are trying to face the domestic violence but un fortunately , numbers are increasing.
We followed the most recent studies from the following website (Statistics of Battered Women, www.asafeplaceforhelp.org) which is related to only women: · Every 9 seconds a woman is Battered by her husband!
· 7% of the American women are subject to a physical battered accident and 37% are subject to emotional aggression by cursing and bad words.
· 26% of pregnant women are subject to physical battered accident.
Statistics say that a large number of violence and homicide are committed by illegal husbands, God says about people who violates his nature and insist on being away of his orders Allah’s nature(i.e. Allah’s Islamic Monotheism) with which He has created mankind. There will be no change for creation of God, that is the straight religion, but most of men know nothing) (Sûrat Al-Rum - verse 30). Today, psychologists confirm that the best feeling woman can get is when she feels with her importance and value from her husband. Here we remember the valuable recommendation of our prophet when he said: (I ask all of you to take care of women)!!
People who violates God’s nature ……
In western countries we can see the spread of homosexuality because of adultery and keeping away from marriage, therefore it is natural to see a man lives with another man and women who lives with another woman as a wife and husband. Statistics confirm that violence between homosexuals is eighteen times double the violence between ordinary couples; also violence between homosexuals is up to 30% (Statistics Canada, Canada's National Statistical Agency, and July 7, 2005).
Researchers confirm that marriage between homosexual men and women lasts for no more than three years in average which indicates that violating nature of God leads to quickly end and also indicates that this kind of relations is not fruitful.
AIDS: is the result of getting away from nature of God
All of us know that adultery causes many serious diseases and one of these diseases which have no treatment is AIDS .statistics confirms that AIDS had appeared twenty five years ago and our world spent billions of dollars to reach a treatment but numbers are increasing. Let us read:
- Dr. Jesse Chen from University of California says: AIDS is dramatically spreads in Africa and there are 350 million man who is carrying virus of AIDS in his or her body and number of infected people is 25 million. 2 million of them die from that disease. Most of infections are in non Muslim countries.
- In South Africa, 20% of population is infected by AIDS.
- From 2002 to 2020, AIDS will kill 68 million man in the world.
- United nations confirm that every year the world needs 10 billion dollars as a treatment expenses.
- Also UN tells us that every day there is a new fourteen thousand infection by AIDS. Half of them are women, and there are 2000 boy and girl of them.
- In 2008 total losses from that disease will be 22 billion dollar.
- Number of killed people by AIDS from 1980 till the end of 2005 is 27 million man (men, women and children).
- In 2005 number of killed are 3 million man and there are another 40 million who are infected by AIDS and they will die sooner or later.
Researchers confirm that AIDS is caused by prohibited sexual relations, homosexual activities and drugs. All of the previous are prohibited in all religions. God says Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All-Aware of what they do. ) (Sûrat Al-Nur - verse 30).if people obeys that order, there will be no infection by AIDS. Illegitimate children
In United States number of births which are resulted from illegitimate marriage had increased to be 37 %( statistics in 2004).we have to mention that phenomenon of illegitimate children in western countries is accepted from both men and women.
A published study on the website of the BBC stated that number of illegitimate children in Britain is 12% in 1998 and it increased to be 42% in 2004 (Office for National Statistics) . In western European countries ratio of illegitimate children (sons of adultery) is 33% (the annual ONS' Social Trends report).
Ratio of men who lives with illegitimate wives is 24% and ratio of women who lives with illegitimate husbands is 25% (ONS, 2004).
A graph to represent ratio of illegitimate children in some European countries, in Sweden it is 55% in 2004 and in Spain it is 22% in 2003. Therefore, from every 100 newborn baby there are from 22 to 55 illegitimate baby, don’t you see that it is an indication for the imminent collapsing of the western civilization (BBC).
Rape: a result of rejecting marriage
Every two and a half minute and in the most developed countries there is a raped woman or a girl. In America, between every six girls one of them was rapped one day!!!Every year number of women who was raped is 200000 woman. This is the official numbers but the actual numbers are more than that.
Also in many western counties there a special phone line to enable raped women and girls to declare about a rape accident as there are many people who don’t inform the official authorities about what happen to them. There are many clinics to treat the psychological effects of rape and there are many curriculums in universities explaining ways of treating the dangerous psychological effects of rape.
A study in 2005 had confirmed that most of rape accidents are caused by relatives and friends of the raped woman (National Crime Victimization Survey, 2005) and most of these accidents happen in the house of a friend or relative.
So that people who are away from their God and his acts are living in hardship in the world and in hereafter they will face a harmful torture because of adultery and keeping away from the belief and God’s instructions . So that in hereafter guilty men and women will lose their sight and they will be blind, God says But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur'an nor acts on its teachings.) verily, for him is a life of hardship, and we shall raise him up blind on the Day of Resurrection* He will say: "O my Lord! Why have you raised me up blind, while I had sight (before)* (Allah) will say: "Like this: Our signs came unto you, but you disregarded them (i.e. you left them, did not think deeply in them, and you turned away from them), and so this Day, you will be neglected (in the Hell-fire, away from Allah’s Mercy)* And thus do We requite him who transgresses beyond bounds [i.e. commits the great sins and disobeys his Lord (Allah) and believes not in His Messengers, and His revealed Books, like this Qur’an], and believes not in the proofs of his Lord; and the torment of the Hereafter is far more severe and more lasting) (Sûrat Taha - verse 124-127). Dangerous Results of divorce
God be he blessed and exalted says And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect) (Sûrat Al Rum - verse 21). In fact God ordered us to look attentively at that verse to realize his graces and to find repose in our wives, but on the other hand if we don't apply our prophet's commandment (I ask all of you to take care of women) and also the divine commandment as God says :(and live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good) (Sûrat Alnisa - verse 19) therefore, we will face many Disastrous consequences. In a field study, Gordon Berlin a researcher in the United States says: stable marriage is the base for any success in every fields, and most students who are unsuccessful in their study or students who leaves their education in an early age and also boys and girls who deviates to theft and drugs are sons and daughters of divorced parents. In America, divorce rate is up to 50% in some years!!
Supplication to facilitate marriage
Dear my sisters and brothers, all of us asks God to grant him or her good wife and a good husband, but we have to admit that all countries are facing problem of marriage delay.
After many years of researches I found that dependence on God is the shortest way to facilitate marriage as we have to be satisfied with our destiny and to know that God is the one who knows the best for us and we don’t know the best for ourselves. And we have to make things easier for ourselves so that God will facilitate every thing for us.
One of the most effective methods to facilitate marriage is to ask God seven times with the supplication of prophet Zakaria, God says in Qur’an "O My Lord Leave me not single (childless), though you are the Best of the inheritors.) (Sûrat Al-Anbiyâ’- verse 89) and to read (Sûrat Al-Ikhlâs) many times also to read And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect) (Sûrat Al Rum - verse 21). Also read the first verse in Quran (Sûrat Al-Fâtihah) seven times. My brothers in God
These information and statistics are not just for reading but to look attentively at a sign of God which is marriage. God puts repose and mercy between couples. when we read the results of the new researches about the physiological stability of married people , therefore we have to realize the meaning behind the following verse that you may find repose in them)and to supplicate by the supplication of believers which is (And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the God-fearing people) (Sûrat Al Forkan - verse 74). --------------------
By: Abduldaem Al-Kaheel
References:
1- 2005 National Crime Victimization Survey, Bureau of Justice Statistics, U.S. Department of Justice.
2- The Commonwealth Fund, N.Y. 1991.
3- Assessing Violent Couples, H. Douglas, Families in Society, 11/91.
4- FBI's 88-91 Uniform Crime Reports.
5- American Journal of Public Health, 1/89.
6- Journal of the Family Research Institute, Vol. 16 No. 8, Dec 2001.
7- American Bar Association Journal, February 1998, p. 25..
9- KU researchers investigate effects of marriage, family on women in science, University of Kansas, Nov. 27, 2006.
11- Office for National Statistics.
12- African AIDS Statistics Overblown, Experts Say, CNSNews.com, October 25, 2007.